Sunday, August 21, 2005

I swear, all I wanted were toenails!

I think...the universe...is trying...to tell me something.

As I said at Blogzie's today, L'Ailee and I have been invited to a luau-themed party for Labor Day. So we're thinking we need a couple of somewhat esoteric grooming items. With a hibiscus temporary tattoo, we figured, even an electively bald woman could wear a flower behind her ear. (I already have a nice fake hibiscus clip for myself from--surprise, surprise--a Lilo Halloween costume.) And I found out about acrylic toenails from--where else?--the Messageboard of Love. Those would please people who think like our beloved foot fetishist St. Tropez Butler and don't want to see my ugly Flintstones feet in sandals, I thought.

I swear to all y'all, I only wanted to buy me a pack of those acrylic toenails. So I go to Drugstore.com, which I like and trust. Apparently, like Amazon.com, they also sell all kinds of intriguing shit I didn't know about. Because....

I typed in the words "acrylic toenails" in Search...

And among the alleged "close matches", NONE of which was a pack of fake toenails to slap on top of my real ones, was...

A glittery blue something from the "Sexual Well-Being" section called the "Orion Love Toys Crystal Wave." I AM NOT KIDDING!

That particular subject has been coming up, so to speak, for me all week. So there we go--expand the toy chest, ignore my toes. My feet'll look ugly, but I'll feel *real* good about it...

Seriously, it was probably my use of the word "acrylic" that made that result happen, but L'Ailee and I are still somewhat excited and a little afraid of what a search under "flower temporary tattoo" might turn up.

8 comments:

scribble said...

ok that blue item...
let me just say
ouch...

have fun searching though !

SassyFemme said...

ROFLMAO at your search results!!! That's not like any toenail I've seen before! hahaha!

Acrylic toenails? I had no idea there was even such a thing! You know, you could just go to your local nail salon and get a pedicure and they'll make your toenails look the same as a french manicure.

Love the idea of the temporary tattoo for L'Ailee to have a flower behind the ear.

Blogzie said...

I want one of the those! Is it battery operated? It's work of art. When not in use, it can be displayed with some lovely backlighting.

Beats the heck out of my 'Silver Surfer' with the duct tape holding the batteries in. Not very romantic. And then when it heats up the sticky part of the tape starts to melt and oh honey, it is so not pretty.

CrackerLilo said...

So I know something duct tape's *not* good for. Okay. :-)

It's a dildo--no batteries or cords. But isn't it gorgeous? A very unexpected find, but for what it is, really pretty.

After a little research (and no, not for a hibiscus tattoo--we found that elsewhere), we learned at the same site that Sue Johansen, the Talk Sex lady, has her own line of vibrators. And there are lots and lots of other goodies!

A little of the merchandise may have accidentally slipped into our cart and gotten paid for with the "shared household" account...;-)

Nancy said...

OMG...This is too funny...It is a lovely looking dildo that could be on display!

Sorry you didn't get what you wanted for your toes, but you don't want to buy crappy drugstore acrylics anyhow...Just have a pedicure and be done with it...Go home to your new blue friend.

My friend was just on the phone with me as I was reading your post and she and her daughter got henna tats today at Knots Berry Farm. She got a hibiscus on her ankle.

Good to know that drugstore.com has such a selection. Thanks for that!

Jon-Marc said...

Cracker,
You are laugh out loud funny! Thanks for your comment.

What drives JSC is the fact that she gets on TV. Whoop-tee-fuckin-do.
Anyway, take care!

Karen said...

you crack me up !
I have seen blue glittery toenails but not any that looked like that !
LOL !

sttropezbutler said...

I've been laughing since I read your comment over at Blogzies. Now I have to surf myself into Drugstore.com and check this stuff out!

What a hoot.

STB