Wednesday, September 28, 2005

One of the little intern girls wanted relationship advice.

So she asked me. Since I've had this desire to be the new-millenium answer to Dear Abby since forever, I gladly accepted the challenge.

She wanted to know how to find someone with whom she could have a lasting relationship. (Incidentally, she's straight.)

Well, you ever have something just pop into your head and out of your mouth that makes you reflect and think, "Damn, I'm actually pretty smart sometimes?" (I can say that without sounding like I'm bragging, because I'm a hundred times more likely to have that happen the other way and think, "Damn, that was stupid." :-)

I am omitting her responses so that I only end up telling the stuff that is *mine* to tell. And of course, I did not call her "L'Ailee" during this conversation.

I wonder if anyone who reads this would actually disagree with the core advice, and what those of you who are on higher "levels" than I have been thus far would want to tell me, or anyone who asked.

This was what I said: "It's kind of like a video game. You meet somebody who could be the right person, that's your first level. It's easy, it's fun, you could be there forever. You don't want someone who makes you work right away. You want to have that fun, easy first level to build on, so you can remember it during the challenging parts and want to keep on playing. Some games and people just aren't suited to your particular kind of mind. If they're hard right at that first level, move on...

A good relationship is also like a challenging video game in that it's play that takes a lot of work and work that can be a lot of fun...

Yeah, I said work. I mean, think about living with this person. Think about pets and babies and what you want the house to look like. Think about budgets--L'Ailee and I have had our worst fights ever over money. Think about the hard times that happen--one of you gets sick or loses their job, for instance. You're going to have issues. You're going to have challenges. That's what I mean about it being like a video game--you'll have harder levels with more challenges, the more involved you get. Whether it'll be worthwhile is up to you. The right one will be worthwhile, and you will want to be there until the end...

Right now L'Ailee and I don't really have problems. We're in, like, a bonus level for us. I think we've earned it. We had our problems before. If you saw the way we used to fight when we were kids starting out, you'd have been scared to death. We had money problems and health problems, too....No, I don't really want to go into those at the moment, okay? Just trust me on that, we've had problems. And we're gonna again...

Everybody does, that's why I say that! My grandfather used to tell me that you don't have to worry about finding trouble, because trouble will find you at some time or another...What that means is, you don't ask for trouble or look for it, and you don't question the good times too much. You just enjoy them. You use them to recharge and build up strength for the times that aren't so good."

8 comments:

SassyFemme said...

You're a smart, wise woman! I like that video game analogy. Never thought of it quite like that before, but it fits. You're definitely right about the work part. It took us a lot of work to get to where we are today, too. Your grandfather was a wise man. Trouble or troubles will find us, whether or not we go looking for them. It's those easy levels and bonus levels that carry us through the troubling levels. Really did like that part about the bonus levels, by the way. Glad y'all are in one now.

annie said...

you are indeed wise well beyond your years! good stuff.

BostonPobble said...

Damn. Can I be you when I grow up? That's great!

Karen said...

perfect.
it really is like that.
I would have never thought of the comparison to a video game---it just totally fits !
you are one smart cookie :)
hugs,
Karen

Clandestine said...

i love this analogy. it could go on and on!

the hardest level for us is the money one, but eventually, i'll get past it! ;)

Blogzie said...

Brilliant advice!

Me and my hubby are a tad different than the norm.

Our wedding vows included something like "he agreed to always worship me and I agreed to always barely tolerate him."

So far it's working.

scribble said...

Just a note to say hello and
let you know I stopped by.
Always enjoy reading your words.

I like what your grandfather said
about trouble.

BostonPobble said...

Hey Cracker ~ You okay? ~ BP