Friday, January 20, 2006

"Dude, you couldn't make it as a woman!"

This is what I blurted to my straight male work friend, when he and I had a quick argument and quickly made up early this morning. But it brought up something that annoys me witless.

He'd been looked at, and then asked if he was "one of us", by a gay man on the subway this morning. He was so upset, I kept asking if there was something more. No, that was it.

I have had my ass grabbed, been propositioned in crude terms, etc. on public transport. I see this shit so often--if not me, some other poor woman--that I just sort of have a high tolerance. You slap, you yell, you joke, you move on.

Sometimes guys are nice, and just being appreciative. This gay dude seemed to be that way. I just flash the ring in those cases. I mean, even if I think they're cute and might welcome their attention if I were single, I'm not. L'Ailee gently tells them they're barking up the wrong tree. If we reacted to male attention the way my work friend did, we'd be seen as man-hating bitches, and they'd be right.

"He was looking at the wrong kind of person," my friend said. "He thought I was the kind of person who'd be interested in him!"

"Boo-hoo," I replied. "How do you treat a woman who doesn't interest you?"
"I say no. I tell her I have a girlfriend."
"Do you get offended that she looked?"
"No..." I advised him to treat a man the same way he treats those women. It seemed to make sense to him; it also seemed to make sense to him when I talked about how I laugh at women who cry sexual harassment if a man just tells them they look pretty today.

I'm PMS-y today (though I'd sooner die than tell him that, you women know how that goes), and I've seen less action than a rich Republican's kid in the National Guard this week. So I'm all sensitive. But I felt a real need to call BS today.


BostonPobble said...

I have never understood why people get offended when someone is attracted to them and expresses that in an appropriate manner. A woman I used to know in Virginia thought I was a goddess walking. What? I'm going to be offended by that???? Please. And I have yet to have a woman try to pick me up by grabbing my breast or tell me that I look like her "next ex-girlfriend."

Anonymous said...

I don't understand the issue either I guess. I've been hit on by both sexes and always look on it as a compliment! I mean, just because someone says "Hey baby..." doesn't mean I'm gonna drop my knickers for them but damn it does feel good to be noticed now and again! LOL

alan said...

I love the way you pointed it out to him! Beautiful!!!


sttropezbutler said...

And so you did the BS today! always.

It is interesting...that fine line between being complimented and being harrassed....we certainly saw that with that hateful...Isaac M this past week at the Globes.

Sorry..I want him off the Red Carpet!


Barbara said...

Sure liked the way you turned it around for him. Funny how str8 men are not offended when noticed by a woman but get all bent outta shape when another man notices them. Never understood what the difference was. When you get to be my age it's nice to get noticed at all. (grin)