Thursday, April 27, 2006

Bisexual pounding on her keyboard

Yesterday was Administrative Professionals' Day, formerly known as Secretaries' Day, and I got a pretty decent haul from it. Actually, another "administrative professional" and I traded gifts. She thought her beautiful, big, mostly blue flowers were gaudy, and I got a yummy-looking flourless chocolate cake. The problem with a flourless chocolate cake, for those of you who aren't allergic to turkey, chicken and eggs and don't have to think about these things, is that they tend to have a hell of a lot of eggs in them, more than a regular cake. Thankfully we take the same bus home, so we could trade away from our bosses, who *were* really nice. I also got a $20 Barnes and Noble gift card. And lunch was catered in. And I got out two and a half hours early and saw L'Ailee at her work. Very, very cool.

I also had the delightful experience of dancing in my living room and feeling my pajama pants drop halfway down my rear! They'd fit just fine quite recently, and the elastic's not sprung. We don't keep a scale in the house because I get really neurotic about the numbers. But I weighed myself in the gym this morning, and sure enough--seven pounds off in the past three weeks! I wore a skirt that had felt really snug to work today. It felt absolutely fiiiiiiiiine!!!

I discovered the very cutest community at Flickr, and I hadn't even known that Flickr *had* communities. The little living teddy bear with the big ol' feet (a/k/a Su Lin from San Diego) will be happy to guide you to Pandas Unlimited...and they do mean both *pandas* and *unlimited*!

Now for stuff that isn't so delightful. Dr. Deborah, that horrid quote opening my last post comes from the Advocate's e-newsletter. Peter LaBarbera's an inveterate professional homophobe, though.

In a Pittsburgh-area high school, a "Top 25" list of the hottest girls was passed out. It was very explicit.

I was slut-bashed my freshman year of high school, for no and I mean *no* reason. It was the way I dressed, the way I talked, the way I was honest and looked boys in the eye. By my sophomore year, I vowed never to date a boy from my school, and stuck to it. The vow was very easy to stick to--they were creeps.

Today there are still adult women who find it oh so fun and easy to slut-bash other women. May the Gods have mercy on their poor daughters. I highly recommend reading Leora Tanenbaum's Slut! Growing Up Female With a Bad Reputation. If you get nothing else out of it, there is this wonderful story at the end about a former "slut" who hears a half-assed apology from one of her female nemeses years after their graduation, and all of a sudden just *clocks* the bitch in the face. I can think of a few women I'd like to do that to.

I can think of a few men, too. It's just as well that Dan Savage and I are on opposite coasts. He writes the sex column "Savage Love". He's openly gay, and the column is almost notoriously open-minded (it's the one that introduced the word "santorum" to the world.) He's also extremely biphobic, and spreads his stereotypes like so much manure. He did it again this week. You can see what I mean in the Village Voice.

He didn't want a bunch of "angry bisexuals pounding on their keyboards." When somebody states an opinion and then says, "And I don't want to hear you say...", in my view, they know in their hearts that they're being offensive to someone else. So I decided to disregard his instruction, even put "angry bisexual pounding on keyboard" in my subject line.

Here is my letter:

Bisexuals are mostly hetero? Boy, won't my wife be surprised! Especially after last weekend!
Replacing one set of stereotypes with another is not "charitable". Using your public forum to disseminate these stereotypes is not "charitable." Spending more than half your response discussing these stereotypes rather than addressing the bi woman who wrote in's problem is not "charitable." Finally, tellling people what they really are instead of listening to their own definition is absolutely not "charitable".
Besides, bisexuals don't need charity, just a bit of basic respect. It's funny that we can get more of that from Dear Abby than an openly gay man whose claim to fame is being extremely non-judgmental about sex.
--Monogamous Bi Woman

The Village Voice, whose home staff is also pretty biphobic and annoyingly hipper-than-thou besides, is getting something from me, too. I just need to compose it, and myself.


Zoe said...

Well I don't know what to say. My beloved and I have been monogomous for more than 13 years, and for lack of a better term we would both concider ourselves bisexual. I would never concider myself heterosexual. Ever. What the hell does a gay man know about bisexual women anyway?

Christine said...

Good for you! Don't get yourself too composed, now...

alan said...

I've heard about "the Voice" ever since I can remember, but never read it. I didn't expect a viewpoint like that!

Guess I wasn't missing much!



BostonPobble said...

You kick serious ass, Cracker! Keep it up.

And, as a slut myself, it's hard to forgive both men AND women for treating me differently because I do not apologize for owning my space in the world ~ and even for the occasional Yahoo Billy nights. I have learned to surround myself with people who believe I ~ and other women ~ have every right to be whoever we want to be, behave however we want to behave (an ye harm none... of course), and dress however we want to dress. Oooo ~ my comment is turning into a soapbox rants so I'm gonna stop now. Anyway! Thanks for this post. Every word.

dragonflyfilly said...

* can you not make a cake with corn flour or rice flour?

* i live in the Slut-Capital of British Columbia,,,or so they say...??? - i think it's a racict thing that goes back about 20 years, but i will post about that at my blog later

* when i moved here i jokingly referred to myself as a Surrey Slut, some of my co-workers laughed, but a few were horrified...did not get the joke (?) -- you know, water eventually finding its natural level - lol

* the thing with female sexuality, men are afraid of us, and when women feel insecure they will alie with the strongest, in this case the men, so will parrot mens thoughts...too bad, some women just can't think for themselves... know what i mean?

interesting blog..will come back when i have more time.

Tai said...

Yeah, Zoe's got that right...What the hell DOES a gay man know about bisexual women anyway???

Come to think of it, I don't know much about either, but damn it, at least I know enought to admit it!

cats said...

pound away!

I n g e r said...

Go Cracker! Go!

And congrats on the 7 lbs, baby! That's such a great feeling.

xox Inger

sttropezbutler said...

God I get so sick of labels.

First and foremost, the issue was about an open relationship.

Which seemed to have had nothing to do with her "label" and yet she mentioned that label.

Loved your letter...


Anonymous said...

I have to give you credit, because no one competes with you in terms of creting titles for your posts. lol

Carie said...

I just wanted to say about Stewarts wild ride in the busch race soon as I saw it I thought of you...

Jon-Marc said...

More like "lbs. away"

As far as Dan, I think he writes more to get a rise out of people than anything else but you are right, he seems to have something against the bi community.
Last Summer I received a galley of "The Commitment" and tried to work with him to do a signing. After two or three emails back and forth directly with him, his publicist intervened and told me that he would be signing at the Chelsea B&N and would not do Borders.

Then and there I never read another one of his columns.

sjobs said...

Cracker congrats on the weight loss. I have gained myself.....


BiVixen said...

I hate that bisexuals are discriminated against by straight and gay people.