Monday, November 12, 2007

Of plus-size clothing and seductive voices

Stray thoughts here. Nothing about the race. I bet some of y'all can guess why. Also, my brother, the one relative I actually want to see, can't come up here for Thanksgiving. Awesome. At least I get to be here for Nextel Cup Champions Week and all its events. No, I don't intend to throw this soda cup, why do you ask?

But it's not all bad. I was reading the Sunday paper, when L'Ailee hollered (well, as close as *she* ever gets to hollering), "Go put on your strapless bra, please. The *good* one. The one that actually holds you up."

Okay! Thought we were gonna have some fun. It turns out the point was to help her with a sewing project. "I want you to have this blouse," she said. "I have seen it. It doesn't come in your size. So I am making it for you." I wear a 16 or 18, depending on a lot of factors, and am sized out of many a NYC boutique. Plus I'm short. L'Ailee gets more frustrated at this than I do, especially when she sees things that no woman of size should ever wear at "our" stores, such as bright horizontal stripes. So with my unwillingness to give up ice cream and cheese, I continually give her projects! Aren't I considerate? ;-) She showed me a picture of a "flag" top in a lovely emerald green silk by Louis Verdad, basically a fluttery empire-waisted tank with a uniquely structured neckline that screams "Look at my boobs!" in the most intelligent manner. Yeah, I wanted it, too.

She had an eyeliner pencil that I'd rejected on account of cobalt doesn't work on me ready, and drew that interesting neckline and those fluttery straps onto my skin. "Trompe l'oeil," I whispered. "You got enough to fill the rest in?" In her seductive contralto voice, she replied, "Don't be stupid." Then she draped me in emerald green silk that, if it wasn't what Louis Verdad used, was certainly close enough. I keep wanting to pull the straight pins out of her mouth and do things with her that make clothing irrelevant when she tries to fit me. That frustrates her, too, but I think she's flattered. Eventually we both got what we wanted; I just had to be patient.

I was told about a promo for the Sarah Silverman Program that said, "She has the wardrobe of a 14-year-old boy, but underneath, she has the soul...of a 14-year-old boy." I feel sometimes like I've got an inner 14-year-old boy, especially when it comes to the things that make me laugh. At least thanks to my dedicated L'Ailee, the wardrobe bit's taken care of. I'm not sure what I'd do without her help, but I remember how a long time ago she had to explain to me that a big dress only makes me look like a big girl who's hiding something, not like a smaller girl.

Earlier this week, a friend and I were talking politics, and I admitted that if I were going by fuckability, I'd choose Barack Obama in a heartbeat. I don't even think he's *that* good-looking, though of course by politician standards he's dead gorgeous. It's his voice, and the tones. His inflections are really nice, yet he never gets shouty, as so many politicians and pundits are prone to doing. I can just fall into that voice like a feather bed. He could say, "Jayelle, I am going to raise your taxes a hundred percent," and I would just be thrilled that he said my name. So I am trying to find a reason to vote for him in the primary that doesn't involve the prospect of at least getting to hear that oh-so-seductive voice when I have to sit through a presidential speech.

I know I *don't* want Clinton and *really* don't want Giuliani. I could see either of them declaring a "state of emergency" like Musharraf's in Pakistan. It's always easier for me to decide who I don't want than who I do. I wish I could one day see really excellent reasons to vote for somebody. I've voted for candidates based on sheer entertainment value before, but this election's much too serious to be decided based on that. I have to get it right. It's amazing--this election cycle has felt excruciating and endless, and now it's actually coming down to the get-down!

L'Ailee once had a crush on Hillary Clinton. That explains her interest in sewing low-cut blouses for me to wear about as well as anything. Thank the Gods for beautiful, talented, intelligent women who have a blind spot when it comes to taste!


Oriental Trading's Nativity Rubber Duckies, with which you can make an entire scene, almost make me want to re-convert to Christianity! But I can tell y'all about 'em instead.

Oh, and I found *the* best gag gift ever in the SkyMall catalog. A USB-powered travel coffee mug! Yes, it powers *off your laptop* to keep your coffee or tea warm while you drive. You can wrap it in one of the Onion Store's USB Toaster Gotcha boxes. If I do this to my brother, I'll have to condition for it, 'cause I *will* need to run.

Speaking of the Onion...if you're looking for an amazing feminist role model, forget Paula Radcliffe, who trained while she was pregnant in order to win the New York Marathon last week. Forget Ayaan Hirsi Ali, for that matter, as a male writer who never had to grow up under extremist Islam, let alone have his genitals mutilated or escape from an arranged marriage, insists she's not really a feminist. No, instead, give some respect to Barbara Louise Huxley, who proves that a female serial killer has to work twice as hard to get the notoriety a male does.

Four mistakes doctors make with female patients.

I just found out I'm not an absolutist on separation of church and state. For instance, when a group of secularists protests the governor of Georgia's desire to have a prayer service for rain, and the state is in a dangerous level of drought with no real hope of relief in sight, I really think this is a case of majoring on the minors and minoring on the majors! In better times, I'd agree that it's a bad idea and support the cause. These are not better times. Atheists are not being threatened or blamed. I love those cute and cuddly atheists, but there just might be more helpful things for Georgia's secular population to do right now.

Finally, Operation Yule Log seeks to help Pagan soldiers overseas, of which there are a pretty good amount. Regardless of how you feel about the war (and I for one want them all home from Iraq immediately), the soldiers could use a morale booster. This project distributes Yule logs and other solstice ritual supplies to the soldiers overseas, and some will even go to British or Canadian soldiers. It's not like anyone else is doing this. :-)


alan said...

It bothers me as well when Dottie can't find anything in her size, let alone anything she really likes. I'm not sure she'd want me sewing for her, though; I'm also not sure I could finish fitting her without being way too distracted!

I'm always so happy for the two of you when you write things like whole life I always believed that "something for everyone" thing, and the two of you finding each other in this huge world proves it!

Those doctor mistakes are terrifying!

As (for me) would be the idea of being openly Pagan in the military. Perhaps it has really changed in the 30 odd years since I was active duty; I hope so with all my heart!

One of my deepest fears is that Mr. Cheney and his trained ape will use the Musharraf model when their time is up...


Barbara said...

Patience pays off, doesn't it? (grin)

I so get the frustration with buying nice looking clothes that fit. My Lise is a buxom size 14 and is not even 5 feet tall. Finding clothes for her is always a challenge. Yet, I'm pretty good a picking things out for her. Come to think of it, I generally buy most of her clothes because she just can't deal with the frustration.

cats said...

think she'd make me a pair of pants? i can never find any that fit my size 16 butt, size 14 waist, and short legs.

and i want those duckies!!!!

BostonPobble said...

I'm a fan of John Edwards. Don't think he has much of a chance between Clinton and Obama but check him out. He may not float your boat ~ but he might.

Jaded said...

I'm with ya on the clothing issue. I keep wanting to tell women that just because someone MAKES it in your size doesn't mean you should WEAR anything spandex. I just got a lovely teal outfit from whatever the heck they call the Lane Bryant catalog now. It's for my anniversary dinner next month. Mr. Jaded loves it, so I'm glad I got it. I ordered it in 2 different colors and in 2 different sizes to see which I liked best. Luckily, the color I liked was also the right size. The other will go back. (I do that when catalog shopping since there's no dressing room)

As for Mrs. Clinton, well, no thanks. If she's elected, this country will have had 24 years of the same 2 families in charge. We need CHANGE!!! I like Obama. I really like Edwards. And this Ron Paul person is rather interesting. Beyond that, I just know I don't want Clinton or Romney. I don't have an opinion one way or the other about Giuliani, and McCain wants to reverse Roe v. Wade. People use Obama's inexperience against him, but that's exactly why I like him. He hasn't had time to become as corrupt as the rest, and I really think he just wants to help our country and its people.