She came up with this. You can see the original "Just the Facts" here. My rendition's very different, but I think everyone's will be. And I keep thinking of the Aristocrats, and how they all made that damn joke so different!
In my world, I'm known as Jayelle, though sometimes people only use half of my name (Jae or Elle).
I used to be very sensitive about that. I'm not anymore. There are worse things I've read about myself than a misspelling of my name.
As far as my wife is concerned, I am "Jaya". She and her best friend, who is also Russian, came up with that when they were wondering aloud whether my name could be Russianized.
I have long, wavy hair that gets wild in a way that suggests either having just come out of bed or Albert Einstein's kid sister.
L'Ailee calls the color "tortoiseshell" because it matches my tortoiseshell glasses, brown with blond and red highlights.
I consider it one of my best features.
I wish I had more hours and more motivation to write seriously.
But the more I write on blogs and forums, the more I want to write other things. For me, expression breeds more expression.
I smoke the very occasional flavored cigarette because I like the taste. It's not enough to even mention, so I don't, especially not when I'm getting insurance!
I like the taste of cocktails, but saw how excess alcohol killed my grandfather. I myself have about two or three drinks a week.
I'm so happy the computer and the internet were invented, I could almost weep.
L'Ailee used to go to the plumber or to repairpeople or to technical support for every damn thing. Even before I got a job, I saved her money on that alone after I moved in.
I check my e-mail first thing each morning...and last thing before bed...and throughout the day!
I love my Diet Pepsi, but as I get older, I find I want iced tea more and more. I particularly love Honest Tea.
I always need iron pills and antacids.
Labor in my home is divided on a "what is important to whom" basis. Catbox duty is alternated, she makes the bed and dusts because she cares about that and I don't, etc.
We're repainting our entire home from the Mount Vernon paint palette, because ol' George and Martha really knew how to harmonize the blues and greens I love with the grays L'Ailee does.
I taught myself how to write when I was three, by watching my parents. Everyone comments on how weird my grip on a pen or pencil is.
I feel very arrogant and like I'm going to be written off as a snob when I explain why.
I want to tell people what a struggle math was and continues to be for me, because of my dyscalculia, just to keep them from disliking me.
I love posting links because I love to share information, and because I am so used to people asking me "What the hell is *that*?" At least in this medium, I don't have to work so hard to explain myself.
I love any music that makes me laugh, or cry, or think, or dance, or get turned on. It's amazing how much doesn't fit within that framework for me.
My best friend says I'm picky when it comes to music. L'Ailee says I'm easy to please.
I had a fling with a man once, in Orlando, with L'Ailee's blessing and permission. She'd had sex with men and I hadn't, and we agreed that was weird when she was the lesbian and I was the bisexual.
He was a friend. The fling lasted six years, and the effects still linger. He stopped being a friend to me a year before I finally made a choice.
I once picked a plant that had grown onto a wall off. It left root prints, grooves in the wall. Ex-Boy did that to my heart, when I ripped him off. I still regret it, and am still grateful for the experience.
I like to draw, but I suck at it.
I am good at cooking chicken and beef, but I hate it.
I don't like to eat fish, and haven't ever since I saw how beautiful they were alive and swimming in an ocean.
When I was eight, someone said that the pork chops my Daddy loved killed him. (He had had a heart attack.) I can count the times I've eaten pork since on one hand.
Everyone thinks I have a skinchick fetish, and between my beautiful bald L'Ailee and my crush on Sinead, I can see why they would. But really, it's that I love an eccentric woman, and it takes a very special kind of look and attitude for a woman to carry that haircut off.
My L'Ailee can take my breath away at any hair length. I missed her beautiful long hair when she cut it all off. And then I touched her newly naked scalp.
I realize now that the gift begins with the box. Or at least, it should.
I answer to "who brought the straight girl?" in lesbian venues, and am sort of glad I am considered attractive to men, just in case.
However, I wish I was more attractive to more women.
I am profoundly grateful that L'Ailee loves me just as I am. I recognize how hard that is to find whether one is looking among women or men.
I realize just how much my Daddy's death and my mom's subsequent attitudes have kept me eyeing the exits in a relationship.
I am proud of myself for getting married and being able to keep my eyes off the exits sometimes.
I married L'Ailee because the only days when I've never cared where the exits were at, and even hoped there weren't any, were with her.
I watch a lot of TV, but my choices are very specific.
L'Ailee and I have had sex just because Survivor isn't on, and probably will do the same tomorrow (later today?) because there's no race.
I act like one of those people who doesn't give a damn what others think, but I do, way too much.
I hope I didn't say too much, but I'm posting this anyhow!