Saturday, August 06, 2005

Hazzard-ing an assumption or two...

I am going to get very, very, very, very Southern-and-bisexual for a moment.

When I was a little 50/50 girl growin' up in the late 70s and early 80s in Florida, with a father who had the very coolest car out of all the cars us kids got driven to school in, the Dukes of Hazzard was there for me.



The General Lee was enough to inspire lust in my metal-lovin' six-year-old heart right there, even though I frequently bragged to my schoolmates that Daddy's car was cool because it was just like the General, only black. (As an adult now, I am just grateful nobody picked up on any other meanings besides the one I intended!) But the thing is, I have been 50/50 bi ever since I was old enough to see that boys and girls looked different. And OHHHHHHH, was I ever pleasantly tied up in knots by the awe-inspiring combination of Bo, Luke, and Daisy Duke! Every week, I would fantasize about which one of the Duke cousins I was going to marry. I remember wishing Bo and Luke would wear cut-offs sometimes. They didn't have to be as short as Daisy's, but I would've liked to see their legs. I wasn't hormonal, else I probably would've had extremely perverted fantasies involving the three of them and the hood or roof of that awesome ride. I just really, really, really liked looking at them, that's all, and hoped people like that would be around when I was old enough to go looking for them.

Amazing, isn't it, the sense of boundless possibility a little girl can have at six and seven before the world gets to her?

I'm not going to see the movie in the theater. For one thing, I'm so sick of all these remakes! I try to spend my limited and hard-earned entertainment dollars on original ideas. The movie trailers look so soulless and slick, despite the casting of Mr. Country Soul himself, Willie Nelson, as Uncle Jesse. (I might rent it for that, especially if he sings at any point.)

But really, it's because even though I know Tom Wopat, Catherine Bach, and John Schneider weren't the best actors around...Johnny Knoxville, Jessica Simpson, and Seann William Scott just seem like woefully inadequate substitutes.

8 comments:

annie said...

the remake is getting horrific reviews... stick with your idyllica memories, i think. but i LOVE willie like you do. did you see that he just released a reggae "album"?(w/toots--of the maytals, and more) the guy is incredible diverse and wide-open, and i love him so much, and always have. great pic!

annie said...

idyllica, that's funny! like metallica, but more effeminate? hehehe.

Karen said...

my daughter (16 yrs old) says she wants to see it only because she thinks Johnny Knoxville and Seann William Scott are hotties !
new generation of heart throbs I guess, huh?
I'll stick with the original version myself :)

for_the_lonely said...

Yeah, I am not digging these remakes, either...Willy Wonka is the sh*t, and I refuse to see the new version...c'mon..Jonhhy Depp as Willy Wonka?!? I think not...

I used to think that I was going to marry Kirk Cameron or Joey McIntyre from NKOTB...eh, I was young and stupid, but those "straight" crushes from my childhood are some great memories! ;)

Love to ya,
Sarah

Nancy said...

Remakes are awful, especially when the first one was perfection. Not much in the way of creative minds left in Hollywood these days, it seems.

I believe some of these blog stories I have read would make good screenplays. They sure need to get some new blood somewhere.

The Dukes of Hazzard was good in its time. Just because Jessica Simpson looks good in shorts, is no reason to think she can act. From what I have seen, she can't. I will not be giving any cash to the remake either!

crappyjazz said...

i don't get all these remakes lately ... i guess it's a way for studios to make some quick cash, hoping to draw on people's good memories ... i'd rather leave the memories intact as well

sttropezbutler said...

I think they are called:

Talent Free....

Isn't it amazing that people will pay for an unoriginal idea. Wasn't TV free back in those days?

Oh well.

STB

scribble said...

hmmm now see I dont mind a good remake.
but there are so few that turn out good.
As far as which cousin to pick I would have to say none.
The men, while handsome just never would have turned me on sexually.
and...
I hate women in short shorts and high heeled shoes.
That sort of wardrobe never turned me on. I get a yuck feeling in the pit of my stomach... as if it is distasteful in a true sense to me.
Odd huh... you would think I would
be all about those breasts, I just cant get past the high heels.