Hazzard-ing an assumption or two...

I am going to get very, very, very, very Southern-and-bisexual for a moment.

When I was a little 50/50 girl growin' up in the late 70s and early 80s in Florida, with a father who had the very coolest car out of all the cars us kids got driven to school in, the Dukes of Hazzard was there for me.



The General Lee was enough to inspire lust in my metal-lovin' six-year-old heart right there, even though I frequently bragged to my schoolmates that Daddy's car was cool because it was just like the General, only black. (As an adult now, I am just grateful nobody picked up on any other meanings besides the one I intended!) But the thing is, I have been 50/50 bi ever since I was old enough to see that boys and girls looked different. And OHHHHHHH, was I ever pleasantly tied up in knots by the awe-inspiring combination of Bo, Luke, and Daisy Duke! Every week, I would fantasize about which one of the Duke cousins I was going to marry. I remember wishing Bo and Luke would wear cut-offs sometimes. They didn't have to be as short as Daisy's, but I would've liked to see their legs. I wasn't hormonal, else I probably would've had extremely perverted fantasies involving the three of them and the hood or roof of that awesome ride. I just really, really, really liked looking at them, that's all, and hoped people like that would be around when I was old enough to go looking for them.

Amazing, isn't it, the sense of boundless possibility a little girl can have at six and seven before the world gets to her?

I'm not going to see the movie in the theater. For one thing, I'm so sick of all these remakes! I try to spend my limited and hard-earned entertainment dollars on original ideas. The movie trailers look so soulless and slick, despite the casting of Mr. Country Soul himself, Willie Nelson, as Uncle Jesse. (I might rent it for that, especially if he sings at any point.)

But really, it's because even though I know Tom Wopat, Catherine Bach, and John Schneider weren't the best actors around...Johnny Knoxville, Jessica Simpson, and Seann William Scott just seem like woefully inadequate substitutes.