Friday, August 26, 2005

Vanity, all is vanity.

I've always had a Buddha belly. But the pregnancy-like distension caused by having a shitload of fibroids made it huge last year, and so did being able to medicate myself with food and not being able to exercise. So now I'm losing weight, thanks to regular exercise (thank you, L'Ailee) and eating like I have some sense and, oh yes, learning that I have an underactive thyroid and being prescribed medication for it. And now I see that I'm getting some loose skin around my stomach. I want to lose more weight, and think I can between now and the holidays, but I'm afraid I'll look like my midsection's made of melted wax if I do.

Tonight I asked L'Ailee what she'd think of my getting the excess skin cut off. My insurance plan might cover most of it. And unlike other ideas that involve elective surgery that have crossed my mind, she seemed to think this one was a good one. "You don't have to if you don't want to, but you're getting good abs underneath," she said. "I can understand why you wouldn't want too much surgery, but..."

"You wouldn't be upset if I got this one," I finished.
"No, I wouldn't. But get it or don't get it, it's the same to me."
"Look, if you mean yes, say yes!"
Her eyes flashed. "What, do you want me to say you're ugly and you must have it?! No, I'm not going to say that! I don't think that! Yes if you want it and you can have it, no if you don't or you can't!" she exclaimed. "God, I am too tired for this!"
So I let it simmer down and talked of other things until she went upstairs to bed.

And I don't even know what the name of the surgery is called so I can price it and learn about the possible complications, only that Richard Hatch had it after he lost all that weight on Survivor and some woman on the Swan whose midsection looked really bad got it.

I got us into a fight on about the last day of our periods, after a relatively and almost freakishly calm week considering what week it is, over something I saw on reality shows. I highlighted something wrong with my body and possibly my mind, and it may be for nothing if insurance can't cover it the way I hope or the complications outweigh the benefits.

Yep, I'm sure proud of myself.


SassyFemme said...

Reaching out to give you a hug {{{ }}}. This conversation sounds so much like one that Fran and I would have. So many times she won't tell me what she thinks when it comes to something with my body or looks. She wants me to decide. Fran tells me that all that matters is that I'm happy with xyz (whatever the issue is that I'm bringing up), but I'm looking to see how she feels about it. It can frustrate the hell out of me, when all I want is a simple answer. I think sometimes it's hard to remember that we're loved for who we are, not how a certain part of our body looks, or doesn't look.

Since I'm such a computer geek, I Googled what you're looking for, the term is "Abdominoplasty."

sttropezbutler said...

AKA Tummy Tuck.

Oh my.


Qivan said...

Cracker, if it makes you feel better do it, but have you looked in to less extreme measures than surgery?

SassyFemme said...

Hey! You've been tagged at my blog if you want to participate.

Jaded&Opinionated said...

It's only a tummy tuck, or abdominoplasty if they're removing skin and tightening the muscles. If you just have loose skin hanging, that's called an abdominal panniculectomy. There's a difference between the surgeries, but the way my brother was explaining them to me was boring, so i didn't get all the specifics, lol. He said that the left over skin and fat that comes from weight loss is called a panniculus, and to only remove that is the panniculectomy. I'm assuming you can google them both and see what it is that you want.

HOWEVER... only do it if it affects YOU. If you, personally, cannot live with it, then think about surgery. L'Ailee loves you for who you are, and what I got out of that conversation is that she supports your decision if you feel uncomfortable with yourself, but she's not at all bothered by it. I can understand you wanting it though. I will have it done when I'm finished losing weight. I've lost 130 so far, and have another 100 lbs to go. It's hard because I have a metabolic disorder, but I keep working at it. It already bothers me, so I know it'll only get worse, and i'll want the surgery. It wouldn't make a difference to Mr. Jaded, but he will support me if I decide to have surgery.

You need to be comfortable in your own skin. L'Ailee will love you either way.