Friday, October 14, 2005

Greedy, hungry October

You ever have a time when you're just not feeling very sociable? For me, the second week of October is it. My father died on October 12, 1981. My two grandfathers died shortly before and after, in different years. So that's a lot of memories going through my head in a few days. It's not that I consciously observe the anniversaries so much as I start feeling like shit and getting bitchy and wanting to talk to my family a lot, and then look at the calendar and think, "Ohhhhhhhh...."

A couple bad weeks in exchange for 50 happier ones, seems fair enough.

Also, I've had no internet access at home--I'm taking care of that tonight--and haven't been able to get any 'net time at work. When the Fates want me to hibernate, They mean it! But it touches me that people were concerned. *hugs*

Then today, I find out that because we've been so mean to each other lately, Jill Conner Browne, author of the Sweet Potato Queens books, is shutting down the Sweet Potato Queens message board. I hope it's a temporary closure, but it still sucks ass. We've been crying and sending private messages and frantically making sure we have each others' private e-mails all afternoon.

And after *that*, I saw that it looks like Stephen Pastis of Pearls Before Swine is killing off my beloved crocodile fraternity, Zeeba Zeeba Eata!

Tell *me* October isn't a greedy, hungry month of deaths and unpleasant closures, will you...

I wrote the following on the Messageboard of Love today, and actually mean it:

This week I learned, really learned, that to grieve is to have once loved and enjoyed.

I am grateful for that love, and that joy, and for being around to keep learning and experiencing.

It doesn't mean I have to smile through the loss, though, no sir no ma'am!


scribble said...

I'm so sorry for your loss and pain.
Take care

Karen said...

certain times of the year are tough, no doubt about that.
I hope that you are ok and that the time of sadness goes into a time of happiness for you.
many hugs,

Anonymous said...

I am so sorry for you loss sweetie. I understand and I'm glad you are ok...or at least as ok as you can be at this time of year. It's good to see you. Peace.

annie said...

i feel for you, cracker, truly.

my mama's "day" is coming up on nov. 20. she too died in 1981.
long time gone, for sure.

it's not a bad thing, to always remember. i mean, how do you ever "get over" loving your parent?

take good care.

sttropezbutler said...

You don't get over, you get on. That's the nature of it, isn't it?

Thanks for the post Cracker. Hope the weekend had bright spots!


Go Astros!

SassyFemme said...

Wishing you some peace. Hugs....

Nancy said...

I would hibernate too! And how sad about the messageboard of love. I still have never visited! I do cook with my tiara on though! I love to do that! It is royally silly!
Sorry October is so bad for you. I hope it gets better soon!

I n g e r said...

Oh Cracker, I'm sorry. What a rough spot. I hope you're taking care of yourself; sometimes there's just no substitute for a little break beneath a cozy blanket, until the air feels better out there.

Hope the weekend had some good things.

Jaded&Opinionated said...

Sorry to hear this is such a difficult time for you.

I hesitate to say this, but October is one of my favorite months. I like the chill and the crispness of it. I like the browns and oranges and reds of it. I like knowing that through this "Death," the seasons will be reborn... it's comforting to me somehow. Of course, I could just be crazy. That's certainly a possibility, lol.