You ever have a time when you're just not feeling very sociable? For me, the second week of October is it. My father died on October 12, 1981. My two grandfathers died shortly before and after, in different years. So that's a lot of memories going through my head in a few days. It's not that I consciously observe the anniversaries so much as I start feeling like shit and getting bitchy and wanting to talk to my family a lot, and then look at the calendar and think, "Ohhhhhhhh...."
A couple bad weeks in exchange for 50 happier ones, though...it seems fair enough.
Also, I've had no internet access at home--I'm taking care of that tonight--and haven't been able to get any 'net time at work. When the Fates want me to hibernate, They mean it! But it touches me that people were concerned. *hugs*
Then today, I find out that because we've been so mean to each other lately, Jill Conner Browne, author of the Sweet Potato Queens books, is shutting down the Sweet Potato Queens message board. I hope it's a temporary closure, but it still sucks ass. We've been crying and sending private messages and frantically making sure we have each others' private e-mails all afternoon.
And after *that*, I saw that it looks like Stephen Pastis of Pearls Before Swine is killing off my beloved crocodile fraternity, Zeeba Zeeba Eata!
Tell *me* October isn't a greedy, hungry month of deaths and unpleasant closures, will you...
I wrote the following on the Messageboard of Love today, and actually mean it:
This week I learned, really learned, that to grieve is to have once loved and enjoyed.
I am grateful for that love, and that joy, and for being around to keep learning and experiencing.
It doesn't mean I have to smile through the loss, though, no sir no ma'am!