Knowing that "my" driver (and Sex Amnesty Celebrity) is Tony Stewart would help a lot.
So would this account of today's Martinsville race.
One thing they don't mention is that late in the race, that asshat Jimmie Johnson actually seriously asked his teammate who was out in front, Jeff Gordon, to let him lead just one lap so he could collect five points for leading! (In the new Chase for the Championship format, only ten drivers have a chance to be champion. Johnson has that chance and Gordon doesn't this year.) Anyway, Gordon's team told him he may as well try to race and *earn* that place up front. I'm sure they did this because if they laughed and said "Go fuck yourself," they'd have been fined by NASCAR and the FCC.
Tony was just in rare form today. He came in second and really raced Gordon and Johnson hard--not bad at all. But Johnson's team was trash-talking his all weekend. Right before the race, Tony said, "Oh, it's like junior high. But if he wants a war, we'll give him one." With a calm voice and a big ol' smile on his face.
Yep. Definitely much more crush-worthy, and championship-worthy too, than Johnson could ever hope to be!
EDIT: There is an entire line of NASCAR crockpots, including a Tony Stewart one!!!! I am SO getting one, especially since the kitchen is really my turf.