Tuesday, March 07, 2006


My paternal grandma died early Saturday. I blew into and out of Orlando for her funeral on Monday. It was like I'd buried her in my head years ago--she had Alzheimer's, and it got really severe. So I don't feel bad for her. I feel horrible for my aunt, however. She's been clinically depressed for ages, and she thinks at fifty-something she's too old to do anything about it, and now her "purpose", taking care of Grandma, is gone. She and the rest of my family are the reason why I came. I'm not close to my father's side of the family--they didn't like my mom very much. But I needed to be there. My cousin Shane, who I am close to, needed that hug. My brother needed me and L'Ailee there.

It got surprisingly festive, with all of us far-flung relatives gotten together and the Southern funeral food and free-flowing beer. Shane is just a year older than I am, and we went to the same high school, and we both married quiet Russian women who like each other. Our wives were hugging and talking, and so did we. I felt a bit guilty, then I remembered that Grandma would have liked to see us all together. There wasn't even one fight.

I have only one grandparent left. And she's mean. :-(

And I realized that Orlando isn't home anymore, even though NYC still feels a bit strange and not at all homelike, too.

But at least ol' Churn and Burn, the evillest exec I ever worked with, has resigned. *eyes dart* Things balance out and all that.


Blogzie said...

Oh sweetie, I'm sorry for your loss.

It's never easy, no matter what the circumstances are. I'm glad you were able to be there for your family.

I've missed a few funerals in my day and I still live with the guilt that I should have been there.

Biggest Hugs To You.


Inanna said...

I'm so sorry for your loss, first from Alzheimers and then through death. Odd, I found my Alzheimer's Memory Walk T-shirt yesterday. My uncle has Alzheimers. Sad.

cats said...

i often say that the last gift those we love give us is the chance to be with family and friends we might not get to see very often.

i'm sorry for your loss and grateful that her suffering is over.

SassyFemme said...

Sorry to hear about your grandmother. Despite the reason for you coming together with your relatives, I'm glad you all were able to reconnect and enjoy some time together.

sjobs said...

I am so sorry for your loss. It hurts no matter if a person has been sick or not. Our family always seems to have a good time when we are together also. Your time with the family sounds wonderful.

Hugs going out to you.


Anonymous said...

I'm sorry to hear of your grandma's passing. I'm grateful you were able to be there for your family. I'm thinking of you tonight. (((((cracker)))))

alan said...

Alzheimer's is one of the crueler things in this world. My wife works in an Alzheimer's nursing home...I don't know how she can deal with it, but she says bringing them a moment of happiness makes it worth it!

I'm glad you went...and glad things around you may brighten a bit now that C&B is gone!


sttropezbutler said...

I love the cycles of life. I really do.


Trudy Booty Scooty said...

Awwwww Crackers. I'm sorry for your Aunt too. I hope she somehow gets through her depression and is able to enjoy the next half of her life.

Amazing how funerals can be "fun"...isn't it? Some of my best memories with my cousins and extended family have been after funerals. Perhaps that is proof that we really are celebrating the life of our loved one...by gathering together in their name...and reconnecting with people in our hearts. What better tribute to your Grandmother is there?

Tai said...

Sorry to hear of your loss...it's never easy.

BostonPobble said...

People always look at me askance when I say that some of my best memories come out of funerals but that's how it works sometimes. If you need anything, let me/us know. Hugs to you. Blessed Be.

The Fat Lady Sings said...

We Irish throw a party when someone dies. The idea is to celebrate the person’s life; because, after all - life does go on. My best friend says she wants someone to prop her up and shove a beer in her hand so she can enjoy the wake along with everyone else. It sounds like you had a chance to remember her fondly. I am so sorry for your pain. Hugs and warm thoughts, my dear.

Aaron said...

A lot of the women on my mother's side go with Alzheimer's for some reason. It's a painful thing to watch, and no matter how much that sucks it's still sad to see them go.

Every time my grandmother forgets something I feel my stomach drop. Very sorry to read about your grandmother's, but at least she is no longer in that living fog.

dondon009 said...

The most important thing to remember is that funerals are for the living and that not every person accepts death in the same manner...

The strong are there to comfort the weak... as it should be.

As a medical social worker, I understand your feelings. I'm sorry for your loss but having lived through the ravages of Alzheimer's with my patients and their families for the 11 years that I was in their service, there is sadness in the passing of a loved one, but there is also relief in the knowledge that the one we loved is not longer that person and has not been for a very long time.

All I can offer you at this time is a blog hug.... I know you understand.


Writer Mom said...

Sorry I'm so late stopping by, but was very touched by how you both said your goodbyes and moved forward gracefully.
Your aunt may need time. It took my aunt three years, but she finally pulled herself together, and is happier than I ever remember. I have some lingering issues with her, because she brought up Alzheimers a lot, I think, to cover for not getting involved in Grandma's care...but probably she just couldn't handle having her mother be so dependent.
Anyway. We've all moved on and achieved forgiveness.

I'm gonna go read about the jackass now. :) Is it too late for a hug, though?