Friday, August 11, 2006

Shout shout let it all out

I'm worried about getting on a plane later this month. L'Ailee's having horrible nightmares again because of the red alert and the 9/11 movie being out. (She worked at the WTC. She lost people, though she herself was scheduled for the afternoon.) We're both very tired.

My mother, brother, and I have decided to boycott any extended-family reunions this year. Several of our relatives are critizing our lack of religion (using their terms--Mom and I consider ourselves spiritual, in different ways.) Several are criticizing our mates. Several are just critical and always have been. We've been getting snubbed in a number of ways. I don't really want to go into it.

Mom has always been a cook and entertainer. My brother and I also love to cook and entertain. We go about it differently, but we enjoy it. Everyone loves us when we're serving dinner and setting the table and cleaning up. Is it too goddamned much for any of us to also want to be valued when we sit *at* the table?

So let them have dry turkey and store-bought pie this year, if that means the poor things don't also have to be confronted with the fact that we don't go to church and we made our own decisions about our mates. We all feel a bit immature saying that, but there it is. We don't know exactly what we're going to do instead. I know I'm going to Canada for Thanksgiving (in October!) with L'Ailee's uncle, aunt, and cousins. She deserves that. We know they like us, all of us, including what we are to each other.

We're thinking about getting together somewhere else. I'm going to be seeing Dorkfish and my SIL the last week of August, when I'm there to see my friend "Vivian" at the hospital. They're not going to know I'm in Florida.

I feel bad and I feel good and I feel bad about being good. And it's still summer!

Yahoo! Answers is good for just tossing out random thoughts, getting some quick feedback, and letting off steam. I wrote these two questions today:

1. Conservative Christians, why can't I go to hell in peace?

I asked this question rhetorically elsewhere, and have decided to make it an actual question. I am half angry and half genuinely curious.

I am bi, I am s-s married, I am Pagan, I am not what conservative Christians would consider "godly". I have heard and heard this from many mouths for years. I heard I was going to hell even before I left the church.

I have to ask, since I've heard and since I've even given church a chance, why can't I just be allowed to go to hell in peace now, if in fact I'm going to hell?

And if I and many, many other people who just want to enjoy our lives are in fact going to hell, why must y'all also try to create hell on Earth for the "ungodly" through legislation, discrimination, and cruelty, too?

Additional Details
Didn't say hell, as envisioned in the Bible, was peaceful. I asked why my life can't be more peaceful.

2. What if my relatives have signed an anti-gay petition?
Including the ones who were at my same-gender wedding?

They signed a petition to allow an anti-gay marriage constitutional amendment on the ballot this November. I saw at which tracks the people who signed these petitions in Florida and Massachussetts. I come from Florida.

How can they love me to my face and do this behind my back? I wasn't able to marry in my home state, and they're part of the reason why!

*Should* I say anything to them? I feel bad about searching on the site. But this is confirming that I really should go surfing instead of being home for Thanksgiving.

How would y'all handle this?

Additional Details

I'm 32, s-s married, live away from them now, and everyone knows.

I'm getting a lot of responses, many of which are consoling and moderately helpful, some of which are stupid and unkind. Of course.

I'm tired of worry!

I'm tired of people making each other miserable for no good reason!

I feel sick to my stomach.


Steve Boese said...

Hey Jayelle...

I love the question, "Why can't I go to hell in peace?"

I've told folks before that "It's none of my business if you think I'm going to hell."

It surprises me how often folks don't get that that I'm not going to change my beliefs or my behavior because they disapprove... and yet, they would certainly not enterain that possibility in reverse!

Oh well....

SassyFemme said...

Saying something to your relatives who signed the petition may end up bringing more hurt, and not resolving anything. Sometimes silence speaks volumes. When they ask why they're not hearing from you or why you're not joining them for the holidays, that might be the time to bring it up. Just my 2 cents...

Christine said...

You know reading all those responses about the petition thing just goes to show how many people get hung up on the word "marriage" and don't see or hear anything beyond that. Many are OK with us having the same rights as them, having civil unions, etc, but they don't want to call it marriage. I wish that the people in charge of The Gay Agenda™ would figure that out. I know that separate but equal doesn't ultimately work, but sometimes it is a step in the right direction (imo).

Oh, and most of the people who replied about the hell thing certainly didn't take the time to actually read what you wrote.

Zanne said...

Hi there! Yeah the whole red alert thing hit me hard last week too. I worked downtown for a number of years and had just moved uptown the May before 9/11. Sometimes I think NYers in general are dealing with post traumatic stress syndrom without even realizing it.

Yay Thanksgiving in Canada!! Haven't been home for a Thanksgiving in years--hope you both have a wonderful time!

The petition situation made me ache for you--that's a very special kind of betrayal. No wise advice I'm afraid, but I can pray for healing--for you, me, our nation, our world. Things have got to change. Find comfort around you.

Kelley Bell said...

Man, It is SOOOO hard for me not to really *hate* the religious right.

These people SUCK! and the horrible part is that they dont even know it!!!!

I could go on a long rant, but no point preachin to the choir.

-Just know that there are a few sane people in the world who stand behind you.

Dr. Deborah Serani said...

I am with you on this.