Shout shout let it all out

I'm worried about getting on a plane later this month. L'Ailee's having horrible nightmares again because of the red alert and the 9/11 movie being out. (She worked at the WTC. She lost people, though she herself was scheduled for the afternoon.) We're both very tired.

My mother, brother, and I have decided to boycott any extended-family reunions this year. Several of our relatives are critizing our lack of religion (using their terms--Mom and I consider ourselves spiritual, in different ways.) Several are criticizing our mates. Several are just critical and always have been. We've been getting snubbed in a number of ways. I don't really want to go into it.

Mom has always been a cook and entertainer. My brother and I also love to cook and entertain. We go about it differently, but we enjoy it. Everyone loves us when we're serving dinner and setting the table and cleaning up. Is it too goddamned much for any of us to also want to be valued when we sit *at* the table?

So let them have dry turkey and store-bought pie this year, if that means the poor things don't also have to be confronted with the fact that we don't go to church and we made our own decisions about our mates. We all feel a bit immature saying that, but there it is. We don't know exactly what we're going to do instead. I know I'm going to Canada for Thanksgiving (in October!) with L'Ailee's uncle, aunt, and cousins. She deserves that. We know they like us, all of us, including what we are to each other.

We're thinking about getting together somewhere else. I'm going to be seeing Dorkfish and my SIL the last week of August, when I'm there to see my friend "Vivian" at the hospital. They're not going to know I'm in Florida.

I feel bad and I feel good and I feel bad about being good. And it's still summer!

Yahoo! Answers is good for just tossing out random thoughts, getting some quick feedback, and letting off steam. I wrote these two questions today:

1. Conservative Christians, why can't I go to hell in peace?

I asked this question rhetorically elsewhere, and have decided to make it an actual question. I am half angry and half genuinely curious.

I am bi, I am s-s married, I am Pagan, I am not what conservative Christians would consider "godly". I have heard and heard this from many mouths for years. I heard I was going to hell even before I left the church.

I have to ask, since I've heard and since I've even given church a chance, why can't I just be allowed to go to hell in peace now, if in fact I'm going to hell?

And if I and many, many other people who just want to enjoy our lives are in fact going to hell, why must y'all also try to create hell on Earth for the "ungodly" through legislation, discrimination, and cruelty, too?

Additional Details
Didn't say hell, as envisioned in the Bible, was peaceful. I asked why my life can't be more peaceful.

2. What if my relatives have signed an anti-gay petition?
Including the ones who were at my same-gender wedding?

They signed a petition to allow an anti-gay marriage constitutional amendment on the ballot this November. I saw at http://www.knowthyneighbor.org... which tracks the people who signed these petitions in Florida and Massachussetts. I come from Florida.

How can they love me to my face and do this behind my back? I wasn't able to marry in my home state, and they're part of the reason why!

*Should* I say anything to them? I feel bad about searching on the site. But this is confirming that I really should go surfing instead of being home for Thanksgiving.

How would y'all handle this?

Additional Details

I'm 32, s-s married, live away from them now, and everyone knows.

I'm getting a lot of responses, many of which are consoling and moderately helpful, some of which are stupid and unkind. Of course.

I'm tired of worry!

I'm tired of people making each other miserable for no good reason!

I feel sick to my stomach.