Wednesday, September 20, 2006

Karma don't have fists, but I do.

I've just felt uninspired lately, or perhaps I blew all my inspiration on e-lists and Yahoo! Answers.

I've been in sort of an angry mood over the past couple days, and I don't know why. Some executives have been a bit more demeaning than usual at my work, and my aunt told me she didn't want me to e-mail anything to my 15-year-old cousin anymore and would block my e-mail address. She thinks I'm a bad influence. The last thing I e-mailed him was this cute video showing baby pandas "attacking" a reporter on assignment. (Which is just...freakin...adorable.)

Maybe she doesn't like my latest e-mail sig:

"Fear is the main source of superstition, and one of the main sources of cruelty. To conquer fear is the beginning of wisdom."--Bertrand Russell

She got pissed when I quoted Sinead O'Connor, too: "If I were God, I would be suing a lot of people for libel."

Oh, well, let her be pissed. I never said anything about her Bible verses and quotes from apologetics books.

I've felt pretty hopeless about everything being said and done at the United Nations, too, and how everything in the world seems to be going to shit. I was thrilled that in Hungary, the homeland of my maternal ancestors, people actually protested when they found out their government lied to them. I don't see where martial law will lead to anything good in Thailand. We keep making so many enemies, so fast. All the asshat countries got together in Cuba last week (they may as well call themselves "The Countries Nobody Else Likes".) And what can I do about any of it? Nothing, not one thing. But they can do plenty to me, if they feel like it.

Also, I found out that even though I eat vegetarian and organic, I shouldn't get all cocky about not getting E. coli. Thankfully, I did not learn the hard way.

So I've been lashing out. Which isn't quite as fiery as other people's lashing out, and which at least hasn't been done at work or to L'Ailee or the cats. But it's lashing out anyway.

I invoked the infamous "My Name Is Earl" quote several times this week: "Karma don't have fists." Meaning sometimes karma has to use *your* fists. (Maybe that'll be my next sig!) I've been giving harsher advice than I normally would ("dump her ass") and cussing an awful lot.

And then there is what I chose to dance to for my next belly-dancing recital. My instructor tells me my style is "martial". This is because I've avoided a lot of the sexy cliches. So I'm dancing to Beyonce's Ring the Alarm. L'Ailee's watched me try to choreograph twice; her eyes got real big and she bit her lips both times. I know I'm doing something right! But TTG, it's not her that made me think that way. I'm actually thinking of Ex-Boy, who got angry at me for miscarrying. (One day I'll talk about him more.)

I don't know. Maybe the whole world feels angry at the moment, and I'm just riding along. I always soak up other peoples' feelings and get real sensitive to my environment. I'd say I was very much an empath, if I wasn't so leery of sounding like a damn fantasy novel. :-)

And now it's link time. Many of these made me angry, too.

The Bisexual Resource Center is upset about a Canadian gay columnist. There's a reason for that.

American Airlines harassed a gay couple.

There is a Christian kids' book called, I shit you not, Does God Love Michael's Two Daddies? Also, Exodus Youth--yes, the youth division of the ex-gay group--has found a sneaky way to worm into schools by piggybacking onto GLSEN's Ally Week.

Awesome new fossil discovery

Fun with "sock puppets"!

And there's finally a serious study of how couples sleep at night. I need that book.


Inanna said...

Yes, the world is angry and empaths, like me, feel it. But, I also learn to ignore it and spread cheerfulness... filter Lilo, don't absorb. Best advice I ever got from another empath.

cats said...

there must be something in the air 'cause i feel it too. i'm just bitchy... without meaning to be.

the book, does God love... makes me sick to my stomach. i almost want to buy it in order to see just what they are saying so that i can counter it... but i don't want to give them any money... and i don't want to vomit.

the russell quote is wonderful... and so are you.

nonsequitur said...

I love the Bertrand Russell quote! I think I'll append it to my e-mail signature too. Thanx :) The Sinead quote is awesome too, lol.

Regarding lashing out and whatnot. Please be careful not to get caught in a depressed, negative downward spiral. Yes, people can be hateful and stupid. But if you start letting them get under your skin, they have already accomplished one of their primary goals. Not to mention that dwelling on the wrongs that people have done to you can turn you into a mean, antisocial person. It happened to me at one time too, I speak from experience so please pardon the unsolicited advice. :)

Standing on the other side of the Christian fence, I (and MANY others) find our fundamentalist sisters & brothers just as abrasive as you do. They seem to be doing precisely what they accuse pretty much all non-Christians of: looking at the world with blinders on. I've found that many of them will socially excommunicate you even if you disagree with them on one topic. The Bertrand Russell quote speaks volumes about their motivations.

YaYa Lo said...

"does god love michaels two daddies"....haha that made me laugh for a good couple min. Also please go into more detail about the ex-boyfriend that got mad about you miscarrying. I would love more detail on that.

BostonPobble said...

Soak this up, too, then....

I love you. Even when you're angry.

Zanne said...

My dear fellow empath ;) , there is a lot to be angry about in this world and sometimes it's overwhelming. It would be so much easier to not feel all the things you do and to the extent that you do, but I suspect that then some part of your gifting would be lost. You are you for a reason.
Don't know if this will be at all helpful to you, but when I'm feeling like this I stop and breathe and then try to mentally balance the vision of all the things that are affecting me with a vision of the things that feed me--beauty, love, Pandas in your case, etc.

Jaded&Opinionated said...

Luckily, God's love is infinite, unconditional and greater than any other love we can imagine. So, yes, God DOES love Michael's two daddies. I think the whole evangelical apologetic cult is frightening. And wrong.

I've been cranky lately. I don't know why. Something just doesn't feel right in the atmosphere but I can't put my finger on it. Pobble would be able to decipher it for me 'cause she thinks I'm "connected." I have to trust her on things of that nature.