Of hedonism, self-denial, and responsibility

I really do need to apologize to everyone, not just Dondon, for the length of that last post. My closest friends, my beautiful L'Ailee, and my therapist all know what I'm doing when I ramble like that. My bosses, if I stayed with them long enough, all knew something is really up when I babble--I'm drawing up my nerve to tell them I'm going back to school or I broke the computer or I saw the assistant manager take money out of the register. I felt a need to talk about something real--how my first relationship was abusive and how Seventeen magazine saved me from that particular life path. But it's hard for me to really discuss that kind of painful stuff, so I need to talk talk talk about other things beforehand. In person, the ones who really know me can tell me to cut the shit and say what I need to say. I appreciate editors better now.

However, I thank Eugene for introducing me to the F-Minus strip, and I enjoyed reading others' thoughts on comic strips. (I'm happy for Elizabeth from For Better or For Worse too, ConnieJane!) I thank everyone who read that far, too. I have learned that wisdom comes from many sources, especially the ones not advertised as wisdom. It used to be that in medieval courts, the jester would frequently be the wisest person of all, but he could get away with a lot because he was funny and colorful.

It doesn't always work, of course. I'm very disappointed that the Washington Post, among other papers, banned this Opus strip because they thought it would be offensive to Muslims. I e-mailed them. Obviously what is being made fun of is religious dilettantism. Anyway, it was spineless, and unbefitting of the newspaper that exposed Watergate. I think everything from Islamic excesses to televangelists to Richard Dawkins should be made fun of in comics. My grandfather used to say some things are too serious *not* to joke about. I wish others could understand the wisdom in that. I wish the Christians who are upset that Christianity can be made fun of but Islam scares people would take it as a complement--"We're pretty sure *you* won't come firebomb our office if we make fun of those in your group who act stupid!"

At least, for the moment, we can be pretty sure of that. On Monday, I submitted an article to Talk2Action. Remember how poor Gwen Stefani had to cover up and overhaul her act in order to be able to perform in Malaysia, because of their Islamist morality police? (That term is literal there!) A Christian writer got upset that Christianists can't have that same degree of control over female entertainers and their wardrobes in America. So I had to respond to her and those who thought like her.

L'Ailee and I discovered some really interesting candy. Jelly Belly has a product called "Sport Beans"--little packets of fruity-flavored jelly beans that are supposed to be "energizing" for athletes, with special ingredients, at an even more marked-up price! Sold next to energy bars, too! L'Ailee tried some. She'd rather stick to half a peg bag of her beloved Gummi Bears and a can of coconut water. We did like Pure Fun organic candy. The chocolate meltdowns are pretty good, but the even better best thing is the pomegranate-flavored lollypops and hard candy! I am not kidding! I don't know how kids would like pomegranate or goji berry lollipops and hard candy, but we're not complaining.

Those local-eating snobs are so full of it. Sure, it's best to get tomatoes in season from close by in August instead of eating mealy hydroponics in winter, and sure it's good to get fresh vegetables from the farmer's markets and co-ops, but "eating locally" is what our ancestors did because they had no other option. They'd have loved to be able to get Californian or Middle Eastern pomegranates turned into candy in Canada delivered to New York City and retailed at half an hour's pay. I'm going to stick to Florida Natural orange juice as long as I can, because it benefits the growers in my home state, and I'll insist on it even if I move to Australia for that reason. The local eaters don't seem to understand the concepts of "non-native plant takeovers" and "helping farmers in poorer parts of the world," not to mention "enjoying your life." Oh, well. More pomegranates and masala spices and good orange juice for uncool people like me and L'Ailee, I guess.

Larry Craig's says he's not gay. I believe him, too! Obviously he just thought that poor man in the airport bathroom had a rattlesnake bite and needed the venom sucked out! I feel so sorry for his poor wife. Those sunglasses she wore for that farce of a press conference were almost as good as the paper bag she no doubt wanted to wear over her head. I suppose I should feel a bit sorry that Larry Craig had to deal with social pressures and all that, and maybe he's actually bi and likes sex with his wife, but any man who's willing to endanger his partner's life by cheating on her with random strangers deserves to have his clock cleaned in divorce court, and I'm not going to be dissuaded from that opinion. I'm sure Mrs. Craig has already consulted both a gynecologist and a lawyer. At least, I sure hope so for her sake.

I also think we should pretty much just assume that the people who talk the loudest about "family values" and how wrong everyone else is are really speaking about themselves when they rant about "perversion." I hope my fellow voters are getting a collective clue.

From the USA Today forums, by fooledonce: "In an all out effort to make the 2008 Re”pubic”an Convention a rousing success, Minnesota has pulled out all the stops to make attendees feel right at home. Improvements include 3 coats of Marine Varnish to all exposed surfaces in the mens rooms to facilitate easy clean up and KY dispensers will be installed with an operational pamphlet by Ted Haggard insuring its correct use. For those struggling with their sinful urges, a 24 hour hotline (1-800-INO-TGAY) has been set up. Also, the local archdiocese has erected temporary confessional booths that will be manned by priests, either for immediate forgiveness, or for a last minute date."

I have to share a Reason magazine article that made me cry and made me appreciate what the Killing Fields in Cambodia were really about. I never learned about it in school, only vaguely heard about it. A slogan used in Cambodia towards urban and educated people during Pol Pot's reign of terror was "To destroy you is no loss." Brian Doherty's details are brief and powerful: a singer with a "Golden Voice" who was kidnapped and "disappeared", instruments that almost nobody knows how to play anymore, "a stunted, petty, bitter resentment of anyone who has achieved anything grander than picking at vegetation or threatening people with a gun; anyone who ever ate a meal better than they had eaten, enjoyed a moment more elegant and lovely than they had enjoyed". Listen to Cambodia's lost rock and roll, and learn about the Cambodians, Americans, and Cambodian-Americans working to bring the music back.

I started this entry in my Wordpad, where I prefer to compose, with one overarching theme in mind. Another occurred to me as I typed, in between taking phone calls and doing the work I'm actually getting paid for. People who think like me, who care about pleasure and fulfillment, are so frequently called "selfish" and "hedonistic" and "immature" and "irresponsible," all kinds of things that are supposed to be just awful and shameful to us. I do sometimes internalize that shame, because I get it from some of my relatives, too.

But I am pondering, and I am thinking, there are much worse things to be than a hedonistic indivualist. Self-denial can so easily become other-denial, too, if it becomes organized. I think individuals are the cells of a society's body, and too many cells get sickened and poisoned by that sort of restraint gone wrong. It can lead to censorship and fear. It can lead to behavior that embarrasses and possibly infects one's family. It can lead to young people getting brutally beaten for wearing "lax" clothing. It can lead to killing. I have said this before, and it was L'Ailee who helped me formulate my thoughts on this, but I don't think goodness comes from avoiding things labeled "bad". I think goodness comes from goodness. I think whatever else pleasure and individualism lead to, it has the potential to make people happier and nicer if pursued responsibly. I lift a pomegranate martini (just one, when we're not working or driving or looking out for young kids) to all the responsible hedonists reading this.