Saturday, May 16, 2009

Guest Post: "Dear John"

Moscow's several LGBT pride marches/protests ended very, very badly today. "That was to be expected," L'Ailee snapped. She has not emerged from her sewing room since. There's nothing either of us can do, but the situation being faced by her siblings abroad is heartbreaking. I'd love to find something we can do, and yes, that's a hint.

Anyway! I promised a guest post. Over at the BiNetUSA e-mail list, there was recently discussion of gay male biphobia. Several gay male biphobes seemed to have something in common--a bi ex who broke their hearts. John Clark has a solution. He wrote a "Dear John" letter for these situations calculated to help all-the-way gay men understand the difference between hating the individual who kinda deserves it and hating the entire bi male group. I liked it lots--in fact, I laughed lots. And I felt it needed more exposure.

So if you'd like to look at my links or read my reactions to events or share in my Penguins gloating, look at the next few posts down. I have officially posted more in May than I have the first four months of 2009. For now, I cede the floor to John.


Dear John,

I've decided our relationship is just not working. This is not because we are both boys; I find you very dull. Though I do like show tunes, I do have issues with "Cats". I feel my dislike of said musical has nothing to do with my orientation. Enclosed are reviews from many gay critics who also found this play boring.

Second, the girl I am now dating doesn't shave and could likely beat you in a fight. I feel my relationship with her does not make me any less queer. In fact, the strap-on we bought online is much better endowed than you are (although I am not making ANY judgments on size). I just mean to say she "gets me" better than you, and I am happier now.

Just because I am now with a female, this does not mean that I want to be purged from the LGbt mailing list. We plan to attend every marriage rally we can make. I may even go back to that bar we met at someday if and when our strap-on dies. When I go there (if it is still there and has not become a hipster bar), I will not be going as a closeted straight man, but as a bisexual. As such, I will not be taking my rainbow flag from the bumper of my car but may have to cover my yellow equal sign if space is needed.

In closing, I hope that our failed relationship will not lead to anger at all bisexual men. Since you dated me, there may be part of your makeup that needs to fall in love with a bi guy. Please don't hold this against all bisexual males as I'm sure at least one of us thinks "Cats" is a great work.


MoonRaven said...

I read about the Moscow rallies. I'm so sorry.

On the other hand, I found the guest post very funny. As a bi man myself, I can certainly empathize. I particularly liked the line "Just because I am now with a female, this does not mean that I want to be purged from the LGbt mailing list." Unfortunately, I think there are queer groups that only support bisexuals when they are with a same sex partner.

Thank you for posting this.

BostonPobble said...

First, tell L'Ailee I give her a kiss on the head. It's what I do when there is just nothing else to do. *sigh*

Second, I know So Many people in this situation. Some acquaintances, some closer to home. They are "legitimate" within the community when they are with a same-gender partner but a total traitor/back in the closet/had only been slumming if they end up with an opposite gender partner for any length of time. Grrr...Nice to see someone was able to have a sense of humor about it!

And I LOVE LOVE LOVE how much you're posting!

Nonsequitur said...

Amusing Dear John letter, though in all seriousness it is very true that biphobia (and transphobia, various people-phobias in general) are rampant within the gay community.

When first coming out, I remember the staggering amount of gay guys who told me to stay away from bisexual men, yadda yadda yadda so I developed a strong aversion to them for a while. After having met several folks whom I deeply respected and liked, later finding out that they were bisexual, I had to reexamine my attitude and throw away the irrational prejudices which I had absorbed when I was younger and more pliable.

The phobias are a classic example of a group of people becoming the monster that tormented them for so long. It is a long, hard process for anyone to understand and overcome prejudices, especially if they were the target.

liminalD said...


I wish I had this Dear John letter three years ago ;)