Thursday, December 31, 2009

Praise You

We've come a long, long way together/through the hard times and the good/I have to celebrate you, baby/I have to praise you like I should.

L'Ailee and I celebrated New Year's Eve 2004/2005 by getting married, timing our vows so we could exchange our first married kiss at the stroke of midnight. We thought it would be cool; we didn't think that our timing would make it a little bit harder than it should be to determine the exact date of our wedding anniversary. We go with December 31st.

Recently, I've talked with some people both in real life and online about how a relationship takes work, lots of good hard work. People almost inevitably say that's depressing. I don't get it. Maybe the sticking point is that most people think of "work" as something they hate doing at their jobs, especially given the state of this economy. I don't mean that a relationship should be tedious and joyless with little to no reward, not at all. I definitely don't mean that only one person should be doing the work while the other just coasts through the relationship! In those cases, of course something is wrong and you need help, or escape.

What I mean is that you should apply yourself to it as you do a hobby or skill or, if you are very lucky, a job that you love. I don't expect, for example, my belly-dancing or furniture restoration to be perfect all the time with no practice or development on my part. It's amazing to me how sometimes, really intelligent people who know how to devote themselves to things and activities expect relationships to just fall into place...and act surprised when they just fall apart instead.

I want to become an expert at being the woman L'Ailee needs me to be one day, and to get better at it every year--every *day* if I can! Some days I fall really, really short. Some days, she does, too. We pick up. We move on. We learn and are better for it. We have changed each other without even trying.

I thought about posting my usual lists of links, since I didn't for the last post. But I think I'll hold off until the next post. You know where to find all the depressing news you need anyway--some of it is to the right of this post, in links. (And I'm glad to have information available, so don't get me wrong on that, either.)

Today, as I feel amazingly blessed to be able to go to the Brooklyn Bowl party tonight (Bowling! And Q-Tip DJ'ing!) and hang out with friends and leave probably at 12:05 with the person I love more than life itself, I feel like posting only one link. This is the song my brother played for us on that magickal New Year's Eve for our first dance as a married couple. Q-Tip and the other DJs at Brooklyn Bowl will be awesome, but they won't get it as right as my brother did.

"Praise You", Fatboy Slim

Happy 2010 to all y'all!!!!


bluzdude said...

Happy New Year, Lilo, and Happy Anniversary!

MoonRaven said...

Congratultions and Happy Anniversary (not to mention Happy New Year) to both of you.

And, yes, yes, yes. Relationships take work. Good for both of you for being willing to do the work.

Raven said...

Happy belated Anniversary (and New Year)!

Seda said...

Congratulations!!! That's so exciting and cool!

Yes, relationships do take work. But in this case, work is shorthand for focus, attention, care, dedication, persistence, and commitment. And if you love someone, why wouldn't you want to do all that?!

Nonsequitur said...

As is often said, relationships, partners, children, sometimes friends... they are the ultimate mirrors. We see ourselves in them, the good and the bad. Sometimes without even recognizing ourselves and simply being annoyed with that irritating feeling we can't place our finger on. Relationships are very hard work. We often have to examine ourselves closely and put ourselves under the knife (figuratively speaking) and prune the parts of us which are no longer useful or possibly detrimental to our loved one(s). It is good that you get this concept. I see far too many folks who fall together out of convenience or boredom and expect it to be all wine & roses. It really is a lot of hard work, though worth it in the end. Good to see you are still alive and kicking ;-) Sorry I don't visit your blog more often, life has me busy lately. Cheers and best wishes for the both of you in the new year!

btw... love fatboy slim, so many of the videos are offbeat and cool.

BostonPobble said...

All kinds of happy to you and L'Ailee this new year. I do love this post. :)