I am sharing this because I shared it with my BossLady today, and she was laughing so hard she was gasping for air. Please don't ask me how it came up or why it seemed appropriate. However, it certainly does illustrate just how stupid I can get when presented with a nice rear end, no matter who it belongs to.
Four years ago, I moonlighted in an office-supply store to pay off my student loans. It's one of the big ones where they wear red polo shirts--does that not narrow it down enough for you? GOOD!
So one evening, the district manager was scheduled to come with a couple of executives from the corporate office. We had to clean like demons, make sure our nametags were on straight, smile like we'd had a lobotomy *and* an entire bottle of amphetamines, etc. Not fun. I just wanted them to get in, take a quick look around, and get out. So did my shift manager, who was a fun woman my age and acted more like a friend than a boss.
They came in, and even though they were wearing the same sort of uniforms we were out of some misguided sense of solidarity with us grunts or something, they were very easy to pick out. Even the customers stayed away from them. They introduced themselves to us all.
Now, I forget exactly what the vice president--he was one of about five or six--was vice president of, and what he was looking for. But he finally got away from our cash registers (I could breathe again!) He turned around. And as far as I was concerned, he was the Vice President of Filling Out His Khakis Real Good. Damn, he had a nice butt!
I thought at first that it might be somewhat inappropriate for me to be looking, considering our relative positions in the company. Then I thought, "You know what? I've had to knock myself out for this visit, and if I get a little bit of entertainment out of it, good for me." And then he bent over, very close to my workstation, to check out price tags or something, and I just stopped thinking altogether.
The VP turned around, smiled, and asked, "What's so interesting over here?"
I thought for a second, and stuttered out the first line of BS I could think of. Which was, "You know, I kinda thought if I worked hard, I could rise up to a position in this company where I didn't have to wear uniforms anymore. Now I see y'all in these outfits, and I'm just thinking maybe I should take real good care of this polo shirt." He chuckled and went about his business elsewhere in the store.
My shift manager came up to me and hissed, "I can't believe you said that about the uniforms! I mean, I know red's not your color, but..."
I shook my head, blushing as red as my polo, and whispered, "It was either that or tell the VP I was checking out his ass."
"You were checking out his...ohmygawd! I guess I can't blame you for saying that about the uniform!"
He got near her, and then went away from her, and then she returned to my workstation.
She hissed again, "You were right! Thanks for bringing that to my attention. Really." Her tone was sarcastic. "Now I have to stay the hell away from him!"
"'Cause you're married?" I guessed.
"No, 'cause I can't come up with a cover story, not even one as bad as yours!"