Wednesday, August 31, 2005

Talking points

Just gonna speak in bullet points today, about a lot of little things on my mind.

*If I were single, I'd still be living in Florida. If I were living in Florida, I'd be in the path of hurricanes. If I were in the path of hurricanes, Jim Cantore from the Weather Channel would come visit. And if I were in Florida, in a hurricane, and Jim Cantore had come to visit, I would go out and get some prime hurricane surfing in, because that's the only time the Atlantic moves its lazy ass, and then when he interviewed me, offer to entertain him in the back of his camera van. Damn, he's hot! And I feel a bit guilty about that crush because I only ever see him when, you know, people are getting killed or seriously hurt and losing their property and stuff, but my annual thing for Jim Cantore is like the first robin of spring--a true sign of a particular season.

*Yes, I've gone hurricane surfing. Actually, my first time was last year, when all those hurricanes were lined up and heading to the F-L-A. When Charlie came, I was recovering from a myomectomy. Second one, L'Ailee begged me to come up to New York City and stay with her. Third one...well, the doctor had said I could "immerse" in water again, and I was getting so tired of being afraid and being an invalid, so I headed out to enjoy the waves. My gyno's nurse saw me on TV (not the Weather Channel, alas; otherwise I could've told you whether Cantore or that cutie-pie Stephanie Abrams were really that hot in person). My gyno read me the riot act, exclaiming, "By 'immerse', I meant a *bath*! Maybe a dip in the *pool*!" Poor thing pretty much lost it when I explained that it was okay because I was wearing my neoprene wetsuit and thanked her for making it so I could fit into it again...

*It was fun, though. I'd do it again, for anything under a Cat-5.

*I can talk about these things because L'Ailee and I sent out a check for $150 to the Red Cross. The Red Cross is pretty much the only disaster aid charity I trust, and they did a lot for us in Florida last year and a lot for NYC after 9/11. How could we not?

*Goddamn, that footage makes what we went through in Florida look like a walk in the rain...

*You know that some people probably experienced cognitive dissonance just now because I shared my fantasy about entertaining Cantore in the back of a camera van and I've got Sinead O'Connor's gorgeous nude backside as my logo, right? I've heard that kind of thing before. It's really stupid. One little word can account for so much: B-I-S-E-X-U-A-L!

*Portia de Rossi has lost my respect due to this comment in the new Advocate: "A lot of models call themelves bisexual, so I just hid behind that title for a very long time. I thought it was just so fun to be bisexual! it suggests you're a fun party girl - who makes out with your best friend on the dance floor."

*Of course, the Advocate's unoffical motto for a long time has been "...for rich, white and uptight perfect Kinsey Category Sixes" anyhow. Biphobia's simply what they do. Fuck 'em and feed 'em pork and beans. Gay people get upset at me when I say that, but I'll stop saying and writing mean things about the Advocate when they stop writing and uncritically publishing mean things about bisexuals.

*I learned to say "Fuck 'em and feed 'em pork and beans" at the Sweet Potato Queens' Message Board of Love. It's that kind of thing that keeps me coming back, even though I'm the only same-sex married woman on the board.

*The "Cool Lunch Table" is at Blogzie's. She started out opening up her blog to people who disagreed with what an extremely uninformed and shrill ex-gay who is used as a source by organizations that try to roll back LGBT civil rights was posting; it's taken on a life of its own now, and I'm glad for that.

*When I posted that about the childhood challenge, I didn't expect people to get stymied by the fact that I used HTML to create hyperlinks. There's no need to do that, if you don't want. I just prefer the look of it! Please don't let the fact that I put URLs in hyperlinks stop you! :-)

*Finally, it's product endorsement time. L'Ailee and I are two women with thick, fast-growing hair; we can review damn near every razor, hair removal technique, and drain unclogger on the market between us. We liked the Bic Silky Touch. Then we tried the Bic Soleil because it was on sale and I had coupons. We'll buy 'em again at full price. It's good on our legs and underarms. And then there's the true endorsement--this is the first disposable razor L'Ailee trusted in my hands on her head! She normally acts like she'd rather put her head under a guillotine! And I haven't cut either of us yet, which says a lot. I really suggest getting it.

*I'm on my way to work now. :-)


sttropezbutler said...

Hey Cracker...Thanks...I needed a bit of perspective...and you gave it! Hope you

Hope you had a great day at work.


(Been watching way to much TV and more and more angry by the minute. Where is the Government?)


Excuse me Cracker but...
I'm at the head of the line to date Cantore, have been for years. Even before he showed us all that beautiful bald head of his.
I have two words for Cantore,
Hubba Hubba.

BostonPobble said...

Perspective is a good thing. Keep waving that stick around and whacking us all with it! I'll try the razor. Blessed Be.

Qivan said...

Like the perfect Kinsey 6, Line, and I saw this video of a guy surfing in the hurricane, it's amazing, I don't know how to save it though.

Karen said...

great post.
love that you make me think about so many things in one post !